Mental Strain

Rachel O’Brien, Community Liaison for Cambridge Caregivers’ Fort Worth office, remembers a woman who was caring for her husband while he received hospice care.  

“She was worn out, but she was still in that go-go-go mode — doing a hundred things at once,” Rachel recalled. 

When Rachel visited the couple’s home, the wife suddenly began speaking Spanish without realizing it. She had grown up in South America but hadn’t regularly spoken Spanish in decades. The mental stress and exhaustion seemed to be affecting her ability to think clearly. 

A few days later, when a nurse arrived to conduct an assessment, she found the wife collapsed on the floor. 

“Our nurse had to call 911,” Rachel said. “The wife was hospitalized for about five days. It came down to sheer exhaustion — she’d kept going like the Energizer Bunny until her battery was completely drained.” 

Only after her hospitalization did the woman agree to daily caregiving support. 

It’s an extreme example, but it illustrates an important truth: Family caregivers need care, too. 

The Invisible Weight of Caregiving 

Caring for an aging spouse, parent or other loved one can be deeply rewarding. But the emotional demands can be relentless, especially when the person receiving care is living with dementia or other forms of brain change. 

Family caregivers often find themselves juggling medical appointments, household responsibilities, finances and personal care. They may worry constantly about falls, wandering, medications or what might happen when they’re not around. 

“Caregivers are overwhelmed,” said Kimberly Knight, Director of Caregiver Support Programs at The Senior Source, speaking at the recent Beyond Memory panel discussion. “Typically, the primary caregiver wears so many hats — managing a home, finances, healthcare, all while caring for a loved one with dementia. The caregiver’s needs tend to go out the window.” 

The emotional toll can lead to anxiety, depression, irritability, difficulty concentrating and disrupted sleep. 

Many caregivers also experience what Knight described as “anticipatory grief” — feelings of loss and sadness as they watch someone they love gradually decline, even while that person is still with them. 

When Isolation Makes Things Worse 

One of the most difficult aspects of family caregiving is isolation. 

A spouse caring for someone with advanced dementia may rarely leave the house. Adult children may give up social activities, hobbies or time with friends to accommodate caregiving responsibilities. 

Even when surrounded by family, caregivers can feel profoundly alone. Friends may not understand what they’re going through, and caregivers may hesitate to share their frustrations for fear of appearing unloving or ungrateful. 

Over time, that isolation can magnify stress and contribute to depression and burnout. 

That’s why maintaining connections outside the caregiving role is so important. A lunch with a friend, an exercise class, a support group or even an uninterrupted afternoon can provide valuable emotional relief. 

But finding that time often requires help. 

Giving Caregivers a Break 

Professional in-home caregivers can make a tremendous difference, not only for older adults who need assistance but also for the family members caring for them. 

Cambridge Caregivers can step in for a few hours a week, several days a week or more extensive support, depending on the family’s needs. 

While a professional caregiver provides companionship, supervision, personal care or assistance with daily activities, a spouse or adult child can take a break. 

That might mean running errands without worrying, meeting friends for lunch, getting some exercise or simply enjoying a few quiet hours. 

“Sometimes people feel guilty about taking time for themselves,” Rachel said. “But even if it’s sitting in your car, or strolling the aisles of the grocery store, or going to a movie — whatever it takes to turn it off for a little while — you have to allow yourself that time.” 

Regular breaks can also help family members return to their caregiving responsibilities with greater patience, energy and emotional resilience. 

Don’t Wait Until You’re Overwhelmed 

Family caregivers sometimes believe they should be able to handle everything themselves. Others postpone getting help because they’re concerned about costs or worry they’ll need more assistance later. 

But waiting until exhaustion becomes a crisis can carry its own costs. 

At the Beyond Memory discussion, Knight urged family caregivers to seek support before reaching that point. 

“Don’t do this alone,” she said. “You can’t do this alone. Many people don’t know that there are resources available out there.” 

Those resources may include caregiver support groups, community programs, counseling, help from family and friends, and professional in-home care. 

At Cambridge Caregivers, we understand that supporting an older adult also means supporting the people who love and care for them. 

As Rachel puts it, “You can’t be good to your loved one if you are not good to yourself.” 

Taking care of your own mental well-being isn’t a luxury. It’s an essential part of providing good care for someone you love.